9 july , seems normal , yet is feels different . 9 july , aik chee 19th birthday , i use to look forward to this day . Every yr i would think of somethin to buy for him . The biggest mistake i ever make was not to turn up for sch on his veri 15th birthday . If i were to turn up on tt day i would be standin at the detention area wit him . Wat a waste ! Haix , wat's not urs will nv be urs . I truly believe this . Although i waited for 3yrs , theres still no out come . Hmm .. kinda miss him ! oOps ! It seems like a history to others but not to me . I have always wanted to see him . His smile and everything seems so unforgettable . I wonder hows his life in army . Although i noe tt he got friendster but i am afraid to add him .
I am such a coward , i bet i reali cant forget him . He seems so special in my heart , i wonder y too . At times when i reali miss him , i felt like smsing him . But somethings seems to be pullin me back . Mayb i shouldnt have sms him ?? Mayb he wun reply ?? Too much worries . So i guess i got to forget it .
I manage to accept the fact tt he is not in bds , i dun have much chance to see him. But i have nv expect to find a shadow of him right beside me .Which its mizan. There seems to be so much in common bout mizan and him . They dun reali look great , but lots of gals get attracted to them . Their body figure , look alike . Both of them ar great joker . But something different is , aik chee and me seems like strangers , but mizan and me ar best of buddies !
As i expected i fall in love wit mizan . Fallin in love wit mizan seems easier and happier . I get to have him 24/7 by me . He showered me wit lots of care and concern , but i wonder whether theres love . We do quarrel , we do fight , we even use mean wrds on each other but at the end of the day we're still frenz .
Deep in my heart , i have nv reali wanna say . I do reali like mizan lots . I reali didnt wanna lose him . I regretted alot . I shouldn't have hide my feelings . I am mean . I chose someone over him . Its actually an excuse , i see tt theres no future . I dun wanna make myself more upset . I reali hate to lose him . 2 guys i love the most in my life . I lost them both .
Mizan got me a deeper scar than aik chee . I hide all of his picture away , am i runnin away ?? Does this help me to forget ?? His married , i have no hope . I didnt turn up at his weddin ceremony . I bet his angry . We cant even be frens now . Give me a second chance , i will nv leave u .
= Broken heart =
Y
Leen .